There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Randomize
