the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
Randomize
