i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
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