One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
Randomize
