who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
Randomize
