Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
he puts the penis in happiness.
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Randomize
