At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
