I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Randomize
