i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
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