Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
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