My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
Randomize
