Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
I'd cum for enchiladas.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize
