so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
No more Irish car bombs ever.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
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