lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Randomize
