Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
