dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Randomize
