I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
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