Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
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