In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
