omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Randomize
