Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
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