She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
