Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize
