did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
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