He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
it's great music for shaving your balls
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
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