I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize
