just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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