No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
He uses pillows to masturbate.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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