I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
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