Have you finally orgasmed yet?
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
Randomize
