Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Randomize
