She is in my trunk
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize