I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
