his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
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