I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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