I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
