I just made out with a guy for $7.
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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