Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
