Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
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