I heard we made out
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
Randomize
