Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
