Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Randomize
