so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
Four minutes until I can fart!
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
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