Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
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