I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
Betty ford says i'm here all night
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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