She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
Randomize
