I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
