I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
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