Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Randomize
