We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
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