My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
Randomize
