I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
Randomize
