you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
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