Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
Randomize