took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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