Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
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