at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
