your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
Randomize
