One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
Randomize
