ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
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