my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
Randomize
