I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
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