If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
Randomize
