I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Randomize
