you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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