yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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