We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Randomize
