he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
Randomize
